The Best Halloween Jokes for Kids
Our 7-year-old son is a very big fan of jokes. Ever since he was about 4 he’s enjoyed memorizing them and sharing them with friends and family. In the past we’ve put together lists of our favorite jokes and our favorite riddles, but our list of favorites keeps growing throughout the years, and he isn’t showing any signs of joke fatigue. So now we’re branching out to celebrate our favorite holiday seasons - like the spooky Halloween season - with a list of our favorite jokes.
Lately, a new joke book has proven to be a great gift choice for our son. If we give it to him before a road trip he can spend the entire drive memorizing his favorites and sharing them with us from the backseat. So recently I combed through our collection and hunted down a joke book from my childhood called Spooky Jokes & Riddles by Jeffrey S. Nelson.
It’s full of great cartoon illustrations with ghosts and vampires and all sorts of other monsters. The humor is definitely hit and miss, but our son is all about the puns. I think there’s something about wordplay that’s exponentially funnier for early readers who are still exploring new words every day. But mostly what this book did was send us on a hunt for even more spooky jokes for the Halloween season.
We also discovered that another one of our favorite sources for jokes - our Amazon Echo - has a catalogue of Halloween jokes as well. All you have to do is say “Alexa, tell me a Halloween joke.” I have to warn you though, just like my old spooky joke book, Alexa’s collection is incredibly hit and miss. One joke’s punchline required understanding the concept of “ghosting” in a relationship - so I guess it’s safe to say kids aren’t always her target audience.
This list of Halloween jokes is a compilation of all of our favorites - jokes we’ve deemed to be worth memorizing and sharing with others every Halloween. We searched high and low for jokes we both think are legitimately funny. I only have so much space left in the old memory bank - if we’re going to be memorizing some spooky Halloween jokes together, they might as well be the very best! I hope you find a few to share with your kids and make them laugh this Halloween!
How can you tell that a Vampire is sick?
From the coughin’
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?
How does a witch write?
What do vampire’s usually do on a date?
They go out for a bite.
Ivan to suck your blood.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
She was always outstanding in her field.
Why are cemeteries considered so popular?
Because everybody is dying to get in.
Why did the Headless Horseman start his own business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
Why didn’t the vampire have any friends?
He was a real pain in the neck.
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room
Why didn’t the mummy ever take a break from his job?
He was too wrapped up in his work and too scared to unwind.
Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them.
Why doesn’t the skeleton like Halloween candy?
He just doesn’t have the stomach for it.
Two monsters are at a Halloween party. One monster says to his friend, “My date just rolled her eyes at me! What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
What kind of monster really likes to dance?
What’s a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
You’re lost in a blinding snowstorm and you’re surrounded by vampires. What should be your biggest concern?
What happens if you don’t pay your bills to your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
Why wouldn’t the jack o’ lantern play poker with the pumpkin?
It was impossible to read her face.
Did you hear about the skeleton who was famous?
Yeah, he actually used to be some body.
Some people say that zombies get smarter with every brain they eat.
You know, just some food for thought.
How do you fix a broken jack o’ lantern?
With a pumpkin patch
Why don’t skeletons like dance parties?
Because they have nobody to dance with.