How to Defuse Anger in Kids
Itโs shocking how angry even the kindest little kids can get. Itโs like - whereโd you come from? Kids are full of very strong passion and excitement about life, and that passion can easily be turned to the dark side of the Force. What do you do when your child is so upset that their anger leads to bad decisions - like saying hurtful things or even hitting? Yelling just fuels the fire. How do you calmly get them to snap out of their anger and think rationally?
Iโve developed a powerfully effective dad hack with my son that has literally never once failed me. And now Iโm offering my most-prized piece of mind voodoo to you to try with your kids. First of all, there are a few prerequisites to make this work:
Your kid has to be a good kid with a moral compass and an actual sense of right and wrong. This is a strategy for quickly pulling good-natured kids away from the occasional wave of anger and bad decision-making - not tips for performing an exorcism.
Your child must have a rough working knowledge of Star Wars. My 6-year-old son has never seen Star Wars, but weโve read the picture book and heโs aware enough of the characters and the good vs. evil themes to do light saber battles in the backyard.
Make sure your child is familiar with the following quote from Yoda:
โFear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate to suffering.โ
Hereโs how it works. When my son shows signs of impulsive, overwhelming anger, and I think it might lead to poor decisions, I turn on my very best and most dramatic Darth Vader voice. โGood! Gooood! Give in to your anger! Join me on the dark side!โ
Thatโs it. Something just clicks in my sonโs head. He always shouts out โNever! Iโll never join you on the dark side, Darth Vader!โ All of the sudden weโre happy and playing. Even better, if he did something mean, he quickly rectifies the whole situation to prove heโs on the light side. While heโs making amends and doing good and nice things around the house I say things like โNOOO! Donโt take a shower!โ, โDonโt hug your sister!โ, and โJoin me and we can rule the galaxy!โ
I like to imagine weโre speaking a secret language and he realizes how his initial impulse was a negative one - perhaps even irrational. But the most important thing in the moment is that the situation is calmly defused, and all of that awful hormone cortisol goes away.
For fans of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory out there, weโve found that this strategy works great with comparisons to Veruca Salt vs Charlie Bucket as well. Nobody wants to be Veruca Salt, right? Do you have any creative ways to defuse anger? Let us know your ideas in the comments, and please let us know if Darth Vader (or Willy Wonka) ever works for you!
